Motivation is often said to be at an all-time low among kids, young adults and parents. Whether school, sports, work, relationships, personal wellness and health, many factors are creating unmotivated behavior.
Setting Goals is Key but Not All Goals are Effective
Until I was a young adult, my motivation was very low all around and that resulted in poor behavior and some trouble with my parents, teachers and other authority figures. I was not motivated by thoughts of what I wanted to become, professionally or the kind of person I wanted to become personally.
In my case that many parents may relate to, brain development could have been a big factor in my lack of motivation and ambition. As frustrating as it can be to parent an unmotivated adolescent or teenager, understand that the prefrontal cortex part of the brain development is nott complete until the mid- to late twenties with women arriving on the earlier end and men on the later end.
The prefrontal cortex is responsible for many important functions and most notably, executive functionand impulse controlas they relate to motivation. Without a biological capability to execute even simple tasks and practice delayed gratification, it is almost unfair to ask young adults to improve their motivation. Yet, by teaching and implementing techniques like SMART goals, our children and we as parents or executives can be inspired and motivated.
So back to my childhood – when my Dad recognized how lost I seemed, he asked me an important question that one day really clicked. Perhaps my brain has developed to a point where his question made sense; whatever the reason, it really resonated and changed the course of my motivation, career and personal life. What he asked me was:
What is ONE thing you want to be great at, so great that you dream of being the greatest in the world at that ONE thing?
When Setting Goals, Think SMART
Goals drive results, yet two findings may be disturbing to read. First, 97% of all people on this planet do not have goals at any given time, zero goals. So by actually setting goals, you are way ahead of the game.
For those that do set goals, the vast majority fall short, which is demoralizing and in the long run, demotivating. So what is the antidote? Goals must be SMART.
SMART goals stands for:
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Specific – your goals must be specific. By thinking specifically, you give yourself a bullseye on the target to shoot at. So instead of losing weight as a goal, think of losing 10 pounds as your goal.
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Measurable – goals can quickly become activities you might do when convenient if you are not constantly measuring. Instead of setting a goal of running every week, set a goal like running at least 3 times a week 2 miles each time.
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Achievable – this is really important, and there is an old saying that is completely ineffective when thinking about goal setting. The old saying say, reach for the stars and maybe you will land on the moon. In reality, that is what we call setting up for failure. This is counterproductive. Aim for 10-20% improvement in setting your goal in a 12 month timeframe. If you make $50,000 a year, think about that promotion that may bump your compensation to $55,000 or even $60,000. Setting the bar at $100,000 is both unrealistic and may result in no raise at all.
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Relevant – your goals should align with your deep passions and interests at any given moment. For example, you and your spouse may decide to hire a babysitter once a month and go out to your favorite restaurant. This goal is specific, measurable, achievable and relevant – and the goal of maintaining a healthy relationship in the midst of a growing and busy family should be of great interest.
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Time-Bound – all goals should indicate a timeframe. Without it, goals can become lower priority or a nice-to-have someday. Some goals may take years so don’t be afraid to set a long timetable – in the Level Up Mental Health App for Parents and Families, we call these 5-year goals Vision of Self Image. But most goals for improving motivation should be set within 12 months, with day-to-day activities and goals (called process goals) to drive the 12-month result.
More about Process Goals
The key to driving results, which ultimately is what everyone is after and reinforces high motivation, comes down to process goals. Process goals are the achievable day-to-day activities that build up to your 12-month goals, called Product goals, which you can learn about in the Process Goals video lesson.
Want to connect better with your teenager? Set a goal of spending 5 minutes, just 5 minutes a day with your child uninterrupted. 5 minutes may seem insignificant but it quickly turns into 2 hours of captivated time whether you talk or simply watch a game together each month.
Motivation becomes a Virtuous Cycle through Positive Reinforcement and Evaluation
All hard things like goals become well, hard at some point. If it was not hard, it would not have become a goal. Push through those tough times comes down to your internal motivation, and what feeds motivation every single day is constant evaluation and positive reinforcement.
Constant evaluation allows you to hold yourself accountable. Use a simple 1-10 rating on your process goal for example. Did you find 5 minutes of dedicated time with your teenager, without being distracted by your phone or email, in a setting that is conducive for your teen to open up? If so, give yourself a 10! Do not bother with 7, 8 or 9 – if you achieved the daily process goal, give yourself credit!
Fun and Rewards
As arduous as certain goals can be (e.g., lose 10 pounds, be home for dinner with the entire family at least 5 times a week), try to make them fun. Humans are more motivated when something is fun – that is an obvious point. Losing 10 pounds may seem impossible, but think of ways you could achieve your exercise goal by having fun. Hate running but love pickleball? Commit to scheduling a regular pickleball outing 3 times a week with sets of friends so that you get your social, fun and exercise time all at once.
Finally, reward yourself. Yes, when credit is due, give credit. This is really, really important and almost always overlooked. You do not have to go out and buy a sports car, but if you make it home for dinner 5 times a week for two weeks, give yourself the permission to go get your nails done in a salon or go out for a car wash.
When Motivation is Stopped in its Tracks
In the Level Up Mental Wellness Program for Parents and Families, we talk about dopamine pacifiers that sap motivation. Think of dopamine pacifiers as your crutch to procrastinate, to give yourself permission to do an activity that makes you feel bad afterwards, a bad habit.
Find yourself deciding to open Instagram just for a minute before your morning run because it is cold outside, it is raining, you are tired, etc.? Watch to the video lesson on motivation and dopamine pacifier to learn how to control these temptations.
Conclusion: Motivation is like Science and Should Not be Left to Chance
While it would be ideal to be motivated every day, turn it on and off like a light switch, natural motivation is uncommon and following a recipe is worthwhile and ensures consistent success. Ask yourself like I finally did, what is one thing you want to be great at, really great at?
Then work towards that by setting SMART goals, product goals and prioritizing your process goals daily. Be sure to reflect, evaluate and hold yourself accountable. And when you do something right, give yourself full credit. Find ways to make your process goals fun and when you display consistency, treat yourself to a reward – celebration and smelling the roses along any journey is critical to long-term success.