Do you ever wonder why some people seem naturally confident, while others struggle with self-doubt?
I've spent more than two decades helping parents and families overcome stress, anxiety, and burnout. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that confidence isn't something you're born with—it's something you build. But how exactly do you create that kind of unshakeable confidence?
The Real Secret Behind Confidence
Many people believe confidence comes from achieving success. But here's something crucial I tell parents: it's actually the other way around. Confidence comes from how you handle challenges, not from avoiding them. When you confront challenges, you start trusting yourself more. Each small victory builds momentum.
Confidence isn't about never experiencing doubt—it's about managing doubt effectively. I often emphasize this point because parents frequently ask me how to help their kids grow more confident. And the truth is, the lessons that apply to kids also apply to parents.
Research supports this too. A recent UC Davis study showed strong self-esteem significantly contributes to long-term success and happiness. So if you want real confidence, you need to focus on resilience, not perfection.
Why Self-Talk Matters More Than You Think
When parents ask me how they can practically build more confidence, my first suggestion is usually around self-talk. You might be surprised, but what you say to yourself matters a lot. Negative self-talk becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you constantly tell yourself you're not good enough, you'll start believing it. But changing this habit isn't as hard as you think. For example, something as simple as reminding yourself about your "done wells" can radically shift your self-perception. Learning to acknowledge your wins regularly boosts your confidence dramatically.
The "Doing" Comes Before the Feeling
One common mistake I see parents making—and I've made it too—is waiting until they feel confident before acting. But action comes first. Confidence comes later. You build confidence by doing things that initially feel uncomfortable.
Dr. Ellen Reed often emphasizes this concept in our sessions. She explains it like this: Think of confidence as a muscle. You don't get stronger by waiting around; you get stronger by lifting weights consistently, even when it feels tough.
This idea came up recently when discussing how to raise confident children. Just like adults, kids become confident through trying new things and experiencing both successes and failures. Check out our approach on raising confident kids, and you'll see exactly what I mean.
The Power of Small Wins
Another key to building genuine confidence is celebrating small wins. You don't need massive victories to feel confident. Even little successes count significantly. I often recommend parents use a daily journal to track these small wins. Something as straightforward as keeping track of completed tasks on a to-do list builds self-trust and reduces anxiety.
If you're looking for a practical start, here's why I personally believe in the power of to-do lists. It's simple, manageable, and the results are almost immediate.
Building Confidence Through Self-Compassion
Recently, I was reflecting on discussions about confidence on Reddit. One important takeaway, aligned closely with my approach, is the importance of self-compassion. People often confuse confidence with self-criticism. But constantly criticizing yourself doesn't make you better; it holds you back.
Dr. Jason Selk and I remind clients regularly that self-compassion isn't weakness—it's strength. When you're compassionate toward yourself, you're giving yourself permission to try, fail, and try again without fear. That's where true confidence grows.
Practical Daily Rituals to Boost Confidence
Confidence doesn't happen overnight, but consistent, small steps get you there. One approach I consistently recommend is a short daily ritual. In just a few minutes a day, you can significantly improve your mental well-being and self-confidence.
This might include journaling, visualizing positive outcomes, or practicing gratitude. Our Level Up Game Plan app features a simple, effective 4-minute daily ritual specifically designed for busy parents. (Link Out to Level Up Game Plan signup here)
Physical Activity as a Confidence Booster
Here's something many parents overlook—physical activity. Exercise isn't just good for your body; it's excellent for your mind. Even a short walk can improve your mood and self-confidence. Here's a great resource that highlights how regular physical activity directly supports mental well-being.
Confidence Is a Skill You Can Learn
Confidence isn't exclusive to a lucky few. It's a skill that you can actively develop every day. It's normal to feel doubt, worry, or fear, especially as a parent. But remember, confidence grows when you choose action despite these feelings.
So take small actions consistently, celebrate your wins, and speak kindly to yourself. You're not just building confidence—you're setting the foundation for lasting mental wellness for both yourself and your family.
References
- Castrillon, Caroline. "5 Strategies to Build Unshakable Self-Confidence." Forbes, 26 Jan. 2020, www.forbes.com/sites/carolinecastrillon/2020/01/26/5-strategies-to-build-unshakable-self-confidence/.
- "Research Review Shows Self-Esteem Has Long-Term Benefits." UC Davis, www.ucdavis.edu/curiosity/news/research-review-shows-self-esteem-has-long-term-benefits.
- The Mental Health Benefits of Exercise." Verywell Health, www.verywellhealth.com/benefits-of-exercise-on-your-mental-health-8732057.