What Is the Highest Form of Confidence and How Do You Achieve It?

Do you genuinely believe in your ability to handle whatever life throws at you?

If your answer isn't a confident "yes," you're not alone. As both a parent and a cognitive behavior therapist, I've encountered countless individuals who wrestle with self-doubt and anxiety. Confidence isn't just feeling good about yourself; it's a deep, inner belief in your ability to navigate life, even when things get tough.

Confidence isn't about always getting it right

When parents ask me how to become genuinely confident, I tell them it's less about being right all the time and more about trusting yourself even when you're uncertain. Confidence isn't a destination; it's something you build over time by consistently proving to yourself that you can handle life's challenges.

In my practice, I often share a simple exercise called "Done Wells," which involves writing down things you've accomplished every day, big or small. The impact of this exercise can be profound. I've seen parents dramatically shift from feeling overwhelmed to recognizing their true capabilities. You can read more about building confidence as a parent on our website.

Your mindset matters more than your achievements

One common misconception about confidence is that it relies on accomplishments. In reality, confidence comes from within. It's your mindset—how you see yourself, your ability to learn, and adapt—that truly matters. Your mindset shapes your responses to setbacks and influences how you move forward.

For example, rather than focusing solely on the results, a growth-oriented mindset emphasizes the process. It values effort, improvement, and perseverance. Parents often find that adopting this mindset helps them raise more resilient and confident kids.

Why genuine confidence is different from bravado

Many confuse genuine confidence with bravado or arrogance. But true confidence is quiet; it's knowing your worth without needing validation from others. In my years working with parents, I've noticed that genuinely confident people tend to be more humble. They're okay with not having all the answers.

Dr. Jason Selk, my co-founder, often emphasizes the importance of "relentless solution focus," which involves quickly shifting attention from problems to solutions. Instead of getting stuck on what's wrong, confidently move toward finding a path forward. This proactive approach not only builds self-confidence but also reduces anxiety and stress.

The path to confidence isn't perfect

If you're waiting for perfection before feeling confident, you'll likely be waiting forever. Life is messy, and parenting can be even messier. Confidence is knowing that you can handle the mess, not avoiding it altogether. On difficult days, remind yourself of past challenges you've successfully navigated. This habit reinforces your belief in your capabilities.

Three strategies for building lasting confidence

Here are three strategies I regularly recommend to parents who struggle with confidence:

1. Set small, achievable goals: Breaking down bigger goals into smaller tasks makes success more attainable. Each small achievement fuels your confidence.
2. Seek feedback: Ask for honest, constructive feedback from people you trust. It helps you identify strengths and areas to grow without self-criticism.
3. Be kind to yourself: Accept mistakes as a natural part of growth, and avoid negative self-talk. Self-compassion is a key component of genuine confidence.

If you're struggling to see how you can practically apply these, consider writing a daily journal. It's a simple but powerful way to track your growth. (Link Out To Our Daily Journal here)

Confidence isn't a solo journey

Remember, building genuine confidence isn't something you have to do alone. Connecting with supportive individuals and surrounding yourself with positivity can significantly bolster your confidence. Many parents I've worked with find comfort in knowing that they're not alone in their journey. It's okay to lean on others and ask for support when needed.

Start believing in your ability to adapt

At its core, the highest form of confidence is believing deeply in your ability to adapt, learn, and grow. This type of confidence provides strength in uncertainty and peace amid chaos. By regularly practicing mindfulness and reflection, you can nurture a profound confidence that sustains you through parenting challenges and beyond.

If you're looking for practical strategies to boost your confidence even further, here's an excellent article outlining strategies for building genuine self-confidence. And for those curious about how belief in one's ability (known as self-efficacy) impacts confidence, check out this detailed explanation of understanding self-efficacy.

Lastly, remember that strong self-esteem has numerous long-term benefits, especially for parents who model confidence for their kids. Here's a research review on the long-term benefits of strong self-esteem that I recommend exploring.

Above all, confidence is achievable, and you deserve to experience it. Start small, stay consistent, and believe in your ability to handle whatever life sends your way.

References

1. Castrillon, Caroline. "5 Strategies to Build Unshakable Self-Confidence." Forbes, 26 Jan. 2020, www.forbes.com/sites/carolinecastrillon/2020/01/26/5-strategies-to-build-unshakable-self-confidence.
2. "Self-efficacy." Wikipedia, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacy. Accessed 25 Mar. 2025.
3. "Research Review Shows Self-Esteem Has Long-Term Benefits." UC Davis, www.ucdavis.edu/curiosity/news/research-review-shows-self-esteem-has-long-term-benefits. Accessed 25 Mar. 2025.