LEVEL UP PARENTING

What To Do When You Regret Being A Mom?

Author Dr. Ellen Reed Dr. Ellen Reed
KEY SUMMARY
Experiencing regret in motherhood is more common than many realize, and it does not mean a mother loves her children any less. Factors such as loss of personal identity, societal pressures, lack of support, and mental health challenges can contribute to these feelings. Coping strategies include seeking professional help, connecting with supportive communities, prioritizing self-care, and setting realistic expectations. By addressing these emotions with understanding and proactive steps, mothers can find renewed purpose and fulfillment in their parenting journey.

Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed by motherhood, questioning your decision, yet deeply loving your children?

Experiencing regret as a mother is a complex and often stigmatized emotion. It's possible to love your children immensely while simultaneously feeling unfulfilled or overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood. Recognizing and addressing these feelings is crucial for your well-being and the health of your family.

Understanding Maternal Regret

Maternal regret can stem from various factors:

  1. Loss of Personal Identity: The demands of motherhood can overshadow personal goals and hobbies, leading to a sense of lost individuality.
  2. Societal Pressures: Unrealistic expectations about being the "perfect mother" can create feelings of inadequacy and regret.
  3. Lack of Support: Insufficient emotional or practical support can intensify feelings of isolation and overwhelm.
  4. Mental Health Challenges: Conditions like postpartum depression can contribute to negative feelings about motherhood.

Strategies to Navigate Maternal Regret

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's essential to recognize and accept your emotions without judgment. Understand that feeling regret doesn't negate your love for your children. Many mothers experience these feelings, and acknowledging them is the first step toward healing.

2. Seek Professional Support

Consulting a mental health professional specializing in maternal well-being can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies. Therapy can help address underlying issues contributing to regret and offer tools to manage them effectively.

3. Connect with Supportive Communities

Engaging with other mothers who share similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation. Support groups, online forums, and parenting communities can provide validation and encouragement. Postpartum Support International offers resources for mothers struggling with these emotions.

4. Rediscover Yourself

Prioritizing self-care and personal interests can help you reconnect with your identity outside of motherhood. Setting aside time for hobbies, exercise, or career aspirations can reignite a sense of fulfillment.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

Let go of the pressure to be a "perfect mom." Motherhood is challenging, and it's okay to have difficult days. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and your children can alleviate stress and guilt.

6. Strengthen Your Support System

Open communication with your partner, family, and friends about your struggles can lead to better support. If possible, delegate parenting responsibilities to share the emotional and physical workload.

When to Seek Additional Help

If feelings of regret persist and begin to impact your daily life, relationships, or mental health, it may be time to seek additional support. Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or a sense of detachment from your children can be signs of postpartum depression or other underlying mental health conditions. The National Institute of Mental Health provides valuable information and resources for mothers experiencing these challenges.

Motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs. If you are struggling, know that you are not alone, and support is available to help you find balance and fulfillment.

Ready to take action? Sign up here and start your journey today!

References

  1. Donath, O. (2017). Regretting Motherhood: A Study. North Atlantic Books.
  2. Kleiman, K. (2019). Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts. HarperCollins.
  3. Postpartum Support International. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.postpartum.net/
  4. National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Postpartum Depression. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/postpartum-depression
Dr. Ellen Reed

Written By Dr. Ellen Reed

Co-Founder, Level Up Game Plan

Dr. Ellen Reed has extensive experience in mental training for consistency, accountability, and execution in business, athletics, academics, and the performing arts, having worked side by side with Dr. Jason Selk for over 10 years. Dr. Reed's mission with Level Up Game Plan is to equip parents with practical tools to improve mental health and family well-being.

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