Have you ever found yourself needing confidence right away but just couldn't seem to summon it?
I've spent years helping parents overcome stress, anxiety, and burnout. Through my work, I've realized something crucial—confidence isn’t something you're either born with or without. It's something you build, something you create, especially in those critical moments when you need it most.
The Myth of Immediate Confidence
One thing I've observed frequently in my practice is how people misunderstand confidence. Many parents I've coached mistakenly believe confidence has to be constant. But here's the truth—confidence ebbs and flows. What matters isn't feeling confident all the time, but knowing exactly how to access confidence right when you need it.
Think about this scenario: Your child is upset, you're feeling exhausted, and suddenly you doubt your ability to handle the situation. That moment right there—that's when you most need immediate confidence.
Confidence Comes From Past Successes
One effective method I always recommend is practicing something I call "done wells." By regularly noting small successes throughout the day, parents train their brains to recognize competence rather than shortcomings. Doing this consistently helps parents automatically recall these successes when stress or self-doubt kicks in. (Link naturally to done wells article here.)
This isn’t just theory—it's backed by science. Psychologists consistently affirm that reflecting on previous accomplishments significantly boosts your immediate self-confidence when faced with challenges (here's a helpful guide that explores this idea).
The 4-Minute Daily Ritual That Changes Everything
In my experience, parents who build short, focused routines into their daily lives tend to handle stress better. This is exactly why my app emphasizes a 4-minute daily ritual—it's short enough for even the busiest parent yet powerful enough to change their emotional state. Over time, parents start associating confidence and calm with these brief but impactful routines.
For instance, daily journaling, even briefly, is shown to significantly enhance mental wellness. In fact, 96.7% of parents using our journaling approach reported noticeable improvement after just six weeks. I see this repeatedly in my practice—simple routines can drastically shift how you respond in moments of stress (more on building your confidence here).
How You Talk to Yourself Matters
Another powerful strategy involves shifting your internal dialogue. Many parents I've worked with are hard on themselves, particularly in stressful moments. What you say internally can either build you up or tear you down. By practicing intentional positive self-talk, you instantly prime your mind for confidence.
Here's a quick example: instead of thinking, "I can't handle this," shift your perspective to, "I’ve managed situations like this before, and I can do it again." Even a slight shift in self-talk creates a substantial difference in how you respond. It's not magic, it's cognitive science in action.
Body Language Shapes Confidence
Sometimes your body can lead your mind. Psychologists emphasize how adopting confident body language—such as standing taller or smiling—actually signals your brain to feel more confident. I've found this simple trick invaluable, especially for parents navigating challenging interactions with their kids or even their spouses.
For instance, when discussing sensitive topics in your marriage, your confidence and openness can help maintain healthy relationships (raising confident children also depends on modeling confidence at home).
Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a silent confidence killer. As someone who’s spent decades studying cognitive behavior, I consistently see how parents place unreasonable expectations on themselves. Confidence isn't about doing things perfectly—it's about showing up authentically and managing situations effectively.
I often remind parents that their goal shouldn't be perfection, but presence and effectiveness. Lowering unrealistic expectations instantly reduces anxiety and boosts immediate confidence.
Immediate Confidence is a Skill, Not a Trait
One misconception I frequently encounter is the idea that confidence is innate. But confidence is more like a skill. It improves through practice. Just as athletes practice daily to be ready for game day, parents who regularly practice confidence-building habits find themselves ready when they need confidence urgently.
This approach aligns closely with proven psychological strategies. Engaging consistently in confidence-boosting practices prepares your brain to instinctively respond with confidence during challenging moments (explore some of these psychological strategies in greater depth).
Take Immediate Action
The next time you're faced with a challenging moment, try these immediate steps:
- Pause briefly and remember a recent success (your "done well").
- Adjust your posture and breathe deeply.
- Speak confidently to yourself internally.
By consistently practicing these techniques, you'll notice how your confidence naturally rises exactly when you need it.
Remember, confidence is built moment by moment—so start small and grow from there. I assure you, you're capable of handling more than you realize.
References
- Cherry, Kendra. "How to Boost Your Self-Confidence." Verywell Mind, 14 Nov. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098.
- Ackerman, Courtney. "What is Self-Confidence?" PositivePsychology.com, 20 Oct. 2023, positivepsychology.com/self-confidence/.