Have you ever wondered why some people seem naturally confident while others struggle to feel secure?
Over the years, I’ve worked closely with parents and families who constantly juggle stress, anxiety, and burnout. As a cognitive behavior therapist, I've witnessed firsthand how confidence—or a lack of it—can shape every aspect of your life. And here's what I've learned: understanding confidence can genuinely change how you navigate your daily struggles.
Confidence Isn't Just a Feeling
One misconception I've seen repeatedly is that confidence is something you either have or don't. But what if confidence is more like a muscle? Something you build, strengthen, and sustain through daily practice. That’s exactly how Dr. Nathaniel Branden describes it in his renowned book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. He suggests that confidence hinges on certain key practices that anyone can learn.
In my own experience, I've found four pillars particularly effective in helping parents reduce stress and anxiety.
The Four Pillars That Matter Most
1. Living Consciously
Living consciously is about being aware and present in the moment. As Dr. Ellen Reed frequently emphasizes, being mindful in parenting allows you to recognize what's genuinely important. Instead of just reacting, you're acting with purpose. Parents who practice conscious living are more effective at managing stress and experience fewer moments of overwhelm.
If you’ve struggled with being present, using prompted planners and bullet journaling can help you slow down and focus.
2. Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance isn't passive; it's actually incredibly active. As Dr. Jason Selk notes, self-acceptance means acknowledging your strengths and your flaws without judgment. In other words, you’re okay with who you are, even as you strive to improve.
This practice alone can drastically reduce anxiety in parenting. When you accept yourself, it becomes much easier to accept others, including your kids. This shift in mindset dramatically reduces household tension and boosts overall family confidence.
3. Self-Responsibility
Taking responsibility for your actions and decisions builds genuine confidence. Responsibility means you’re no longer blaming external circumstances for your problems. Instead, you look inward, understand your part, and actively choose solutions.
When I apply this concept to parenting, it completely transforms family dynamics. Instead of feeling helpless or overwhelmed, you gain a sense of control. It creates a healthier environment for your children, which, according to research by UC Davis, leads to long-term benefits of healthy self-esteem.
4. Self-Assertiveness
Confidence grows significantly when you learn to assert yourself respectfully. Self-assertiveness isn’t about dominating conversations or always getting your way. It’s about clearly communicating your needs, thoughts, and boundaries. It allows for stronger, healthier relationships and significantly reduces resentment, stress, and burnout.
By confidently expressing your needs, you model essential behavior for your children. This is one reason why confident parents often succeed at raising confident kids.
Confidence and Daily Stress: What's the Connection?
So how exactly does building these pillars translate to real-world benefits? Let's take a closer look.
When I first started helping parents manage stress, I noticed something critical: the parents who were most confident in their abilities handled stress far better. They didn't panic at every parenting hurdle. Instead, they approached challenges as opportunities to grow.
Science backs this observation. According to Psychology Today, improving confidence directly relates to higher self-esteem, resilience, and reduced anxiety. You can read more about the science behind it here.
Using Confidence to Change Your Family Life
Through Level Up, I've helped hundreds of parents implement these four pillars into daily habits. The results speak for themselves. Parents report feeling calmer, less anxious, and more in control. They also describe a noticeable positive shift in their families' overall mental wellness.
If you're looking for practical ways to start this journey, you might find my article on building your confidence and reducing daily stress helpful. It dives deeper into actionable steps and strategies you can implement immediately.
Confidence doesn’t have to be mysterious. With conscious effort, genuine self-acceptance, accountability, and healthy assertiveness, it becomes attainable for everyone—including you. By understanding and actively practicing these four pillars, you’ll not just improve your own life—you’ll enhance the lives of everyone around you.
Ready to take the next step? Sign up here to begin your journey.
References
- Branden, Nathaniel. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Bantam, 1995. https://www.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive-Leading/dp/0553374397
- "Research Review Shows Self-Esteem Has Long-Term Benefits." UC Davis, https://www.ucdavis.edu/curiosity/news/research-review-shows-self-esteem-has-long-term-benefits. Accessed 25 Mar. 2025.
- "The Science of Self-Esteem and Why It Matters." Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-healing-factor/202302/the-science-of-self-esteem-and-why-it-matters. Accessed 25 Mar. 2025.
