What Does Lack of Confidence Look Like, and Can It Be Improved?

Have you ever found yourself hesitating to speak up, even though you know you have something valuable to say?

I hear it all the time from parents who come to me and say, "I feel like I'm always second-guessing myself." And honestly, I completely get it. Confidence isn't a fixed trait we're born with—it's something we build, lose, and rebuild again. But how do you spot when your confidence is slipping, and what can you do about it?

Signs You Might Be Struggling With Confidence

First off, let’s talk about recognizing low self-confidence. A lack of confidence can show up in many sneaky ways. For example, maybe you avoid decisions—even simple ones—because you're worried about making a mistake. Or maybe you keep quiet in conversations because you fear rejection or judgment. Here's a detailed breakdown of how low self-esteem manifests itself.

Sometimes, it looks like constantly comparing yourself to others—wondering if you measure up as a parent, partner, or even just as an individual. Dr. Ellen Reed often points out how easy it is to fall into the trap of comparing your "behind-the-scenes" to everyone else's highlight reel. Trust me; I've been there too. And it's exhausting.

Building Confidence Starts With Recognizing Your Strengths

One powerful habit I've personally found valuable is regularly reflecting on what you've done well. It's a simple but effective way to remind yourself of your strengths and abilities. Dr. Jason Selk emphasizes this habit in sessions with parents, because confidence grows when you consciously recognize your accomplishments—no matter how small.

It's surprising how quickly confidence can build when you shift your focus toward your successes instead of dwelling on perceived failures.

Your Confidence Impacts Your Kids, Too

Here's the truth—your kids notice your confidence levels more than you realize. If you're consistently unsure or hesitant, they'll pick up on that energy. It's why understanding effective strategies for raising confident children starts with you modeling confidence yourself. Kids learn best by watching us.

Practical Steps You Can Take Right Now

Okay, so we've talked about signs, but what can you actually do about it? Let me break down some practical steps you can start today.

1. Practice skill-building. Find something you genuinely enjoy and get good at it. Confidence thrives when you're regularly achieving small goals. It might be cooking, writing, gardening, or even just keeping up with daily tasks. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it matters to you.
2. Accept and learn from mistakes. Look, mistakes happen to everyone. Dr. Jason Selk frequently emphasizes that mistakes are not setbacks but lessons. Accept them, analyze them briefly, learn from them, and move on. Don’t dwell; grow.
3. Surround yourself with positive people. The people you spend time with hugely influence how you see yourself. Cut down on interactions with individuals who consistently bring negativity or criticism into your life. Prioritize relationships that lift you up and celebrate your growth.
4. Start journaling. Journaling is one of my favorite ways to strengthen self-confidence because it helps clear mental clutter. A guided journal—like the kind we use in our Level Up app—can give your thoughts clarity and purpose. (Show Product carousel here)

Confidence Can Improve—Even If It Feels Impossible Right Now

Believe me, confidence isn't about being fearless; it's about acting despite fear. As Dr. Ellen Reed often shares in sessions, confidence grows each time you push through discomfort, even just a little. And you don't have to do it alone—there are plenty of resources and people ready to support you along the way.

There's also no shame in getting professional support if confidence is seriously affecting your life. Speaking to a therapist can provide personalized strategies to overcome deeper issues that self-help alone might not solve. (Link Out To signup page here)

You’ve Got This

Confidence isn't a mystery; it's just a skill. With practice, patience, and the right tools, you'll notice the shift from second-guessing yourself to trusting yourself more each day.

Still feeling uncertain? Here’s an insightful resource on practical ways to boost your self-confidence, and remember—you’re never stuck where you are. You have the power to change your mindset and improve your life, starting now.

References

1. "Signs of Low Self-Esteem." Verywell Mind, www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-low-self-esteem-5185978. Accessed 20 Mar. 2025.
2. "Self-Confidence." PositivePsychology.com, positivepsychology.com/self-confidence. Accessed 20 Mar. 2025.
3. "Building Parental Confidence through Done Wells." Level Up Game Plan, levelupgameplan.com/mindful-parenting-resources/6591/building-parental-confidence-through-done-wells. Accessed 20 Mar. 2025.
4. "Raising Confident Kids." Level Up Game Plan, levelupgameplan.com/mindful-parenting-resources/6606/raising-confident-kids. Accessed 20 Mar. 2025.